You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
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First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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