i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
