$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
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