3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
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Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
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I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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