she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
