i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
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do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
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My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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