So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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