shes about as inviting as chlamydia
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
