New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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