So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
