I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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