??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he thought i was a dude.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
