I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
