He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
