The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
