Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
