I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
