cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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