Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
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She bit a glass in half.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
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Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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