hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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