I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
