I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
