Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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