Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
