upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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