if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
