your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
