My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.