Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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