Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
