I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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