I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
