What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
