so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
