you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
