in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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