Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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