Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Randomize
