i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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