The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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