So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
