is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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