I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
