Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
its liver damage thursday
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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