I cannot find my penis.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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