So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
