so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
