I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
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And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
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He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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