ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
