When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
