She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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