You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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