But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i've created a new STD.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
