Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
