How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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