The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
