I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
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My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
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Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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