They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
