saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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