The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize