I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
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Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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