At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize