you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
