im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
