Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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