Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just had sex on a roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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