He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
