Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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