I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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