the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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