So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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