I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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