If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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