Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
