Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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